I’ve fallen into desperation, anger, and sadness. The heart is heavy, but these critical moments I need God more. I’ll admit, I curl up in a ball with my bible and cry out for God to hug me. Emotions are fickle, rather I say overwhelming. I just let the tears fall, God is there. Strength doesn’t mean we’re not allow to cry and fall down into Gods mercy. Carrying Gods purpose requires strength and we knew it wasn’t going to be easy. As we are training ourselves to move pass hope into Faith. The weight can be very heavy. We are walking into unknown territory. Thee unknown is scary, trusting in God when He knows more than I do. Physically swimming to hold onto the tangible. Somehow, I feel the spirit burning the flames of Love, Gods Love. The ashes are my chains broken by Gods love, its a security I was familiar with. Now, its a Faith I’m scared to take. The mustard seed of Faith is beginning to grow. I still stumble and fall, as I whisper the words, “God” immediately shows up by my side and feed me the power to keep going.
“I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” Jeremiah 31:3
God embedded into my DNA, determination. I never seem to quit, never! Through the tears, I keep fighting against the opposition. One of my gifts I’m learning to balance. Why do I keep falling into the pit? I have bad habits of self-destruction (self-criticism), fear of failure, and settlement, comfortable with a poor, victim mentality, I need to break. I was born into this type of mindset, held captive by generational curses. Let me clarify, my family sacrifice to build a life and nurture me in the best way they could. But God has told me, I will become the tipping point, building a new generation who will live and breathe only in the light of salvation. I was made to destroy the enemies original agenda, it will be the enemies demise.
Through Jesus, His sacrifice on the Cross still says I’m Worthy, We are Worthy!
At the Cross, Jesus defeated the enemy. Through Jesus blood which runs through our veins, we have the power to destroy the enemy. What was once a curse for me, will now be used to defeat the enemy.
Trust is a hard concept in Faith, when we live in a world we can feel. Yet, the world leaves you feeling empty, but in the spirit we have eternal life.
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