This verse popped up in one of the Bible studies. I’m glad it did, because I needed God to remind me of His peace. Not the peace I can give to myself.
Yesterday, I left church feeling very hurt, frustrated, and sad.
I thought I was being helpful, instead it turned into a storm.
The morning, started good. I served all 3 services and co-lead. Everything was running smoothly. Just before leaving, it felt like the wind got knocked out of me. Short version:
After straightening the chairs in the auditorium, I went into the hallway to help the others clean up, instead I was being interrogated for not doing enough. I was trying to figure out where they needed the most help, but I felt bombarded by different conversations coming to me all at once. I didn’t know who to listen to first. I just calm down and tried a different approach. My friend (team leader 1), then approached me to inform that she was leaving early and to make sure everything was put away properly.
That just rattle the atmosphere more. Let’s call her team leader 3 kept antagonizing me about “not doing my job at leading” “you’re supposed to be in charge” and instead “I was doing nothing”. It started as a joke, but she kept saying it over and over until I realize she was frustrated with me. All of this was said in front of everyone. Even my other friend were laughing at me. I was embarrassed, frustrated and even hurt. In that moment, I had to swallow my anger to keep the peace. I just try to focus on what was needed to complete the job. Asking God to help. We managed to put everything away.
As I was dumping the trash. The enemy made one last attempt to disrupted my peace. Just I was heading outside, a friend from the team asked me a question, in which I responded a bit sharp (fast reaction), instead of a smooth response. Only to get a text message later about it. But what she didn’t know was, I felt bad about the way I delivered the response. I was going to apologize when I’d seen her and the other person whom the question was about.
I just felt horrible when I left. What started off as a good day, the enemy stole it. And it took me some time to forgive the mistakes I’ve made and others. “Forgive us of our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” God forgives us, I can forgive others. I know we all make mistakes and no one is perfect. We all have our moments, sometimes we don’t realize we are dumping frustrations on others. Although, this moment really made we angry and sad. I turned it over to God to ask for His help.
I’ve known these women for a while, they have always been kind to me. It could be God wanted to show me something in this experience, and the enemy took advantage. There is nothing that happens to us, that God does not know ahead. God is all-knowing. But I am not going to give them the power to make me feel uncomfortable. If I allow offenses to easily make me upset, then I’m giving people power over my emotions. I heard a saying, “Make it harder to be offended, and easier to be happy.” It would be best to walk away. God is the one in control, if I can’t diffuse the situation. Let Go, Let God.
God knows my heart very well. He knows what I do, and I do it to give God glory. I don’t need to win the approval of people. Just like my new friend said, I can’t please everyone and sometimes people will be upset with me. It happens, but I can’t be defined by their expectations, because I will never live up to them. Sorry, to break it to you, I’m not going to be perfect. God values me. That’s enough for me.
Just like the paper above says, God is bigger than my problems. God is bigger than my failures. God is bigger than my limitations. God is bigger than my lack of resources. God. Is. Still. In. Control!
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