Put me back together

We have all gone through tough times. Overwhelm with hurt and seeking reconciliation. Today, I want to share my experience of how I’m learning my way back to peace, in hopes to encourage others.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
    he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

Psalm 34:18

“The Lord is close…, he rescues”. No amount of pain can keep God away. God commits to stay close to us. God will rescue us when we cry out. Everyone goes through pain. It’s a way of life. We don’t like it, but it happens. How we handle the hurt, is what I find difficult?

My story: Rejection. Unrequited love. Heartbreak. I wanted to be more than just a friend, but He only wanted friendship. What happens when you want something (or someone), but you can’t attain it? Especially, when you have strong feelings in your heart for them. My heart wanted more, but he wasn’t on the same wavelength. After, he and I talked about it. I decided it would be best to part ways. I had to be honest with myself. It would be a difficult role for me to just be a friend. I couldn’t pretend, while in my heart I’d be wishing for so much more. Waiting. Or sit on the sidelines watching him fall in love with someone else. The pain would put me in a negative space. It would keep me from experiencing my own happiness and stay in touch with my Faith.

These past two weeks, I did some reflection. How can I move pass this setback and disappointment. I decided to do the great exchange. Give myself permission to be vulnerable. Lay out all the details, before God. Then, ask for help, lean on my friend(s). I am allowed to mourn the loss and walk through the pain.

Yes, I know everyone goes through heartbreak, but do we allow ourselves space to mourn, heal, and grow? Not always. When we experience pain, the natural response, bitterness or retaliation. Even sometimes we grow numb to pain, entirely. Verbal retaliation can cause more damage. Cause more pain, rather then be release from it. I couldn’t focus, sleep, make good decisions, or move past the pain. I had to allow myself to process these emotions. Talk it out! I needed God, but I wanted justice. Hurting someone else because I’m hurting, doesn’t bring comfort. It leads to more pain.

I needed God to help me. Help me to forgive, myself and the other person. I didn’t want to “walk it off”, “stop crying”, or “man up”. I didn’t want to numb the pain. I had to disconnect from fillers (temporary relief) and be made well, again. I wanted to be healed. Set free from the emotional bondage. Break the power of someone else has over my emotions. I step before God and ask Him to guide me back to wholeness.

There is no easy solution. I have to sit with my thoughts and feel through the process of pain. I invite God to walk with me and carry me at times when I can even stand. No more hiding. I am a mess. I am broken. God, put me back together.

Prayer:

Thank you for opening up my truth. I am going to see something come out of this pain. Come out the other side. The reality is, it hurts. I need you to carry me through my fall. I know when I work through this, it will bring me closer to wholeness. It will draw me closer to You, Lord. Teach me what I need to know in this situation. Teach me what I need to see. Show me how to channel my feelings. I don’t want to hide this or pretend it doesn’t exist. This, too shall pass. Help me use time to work through the pain. I am willing to commit to you and to myself. I deserve to be healed and made whole. Guide me back home. In Jesus Name, Amen!

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