Contrary to popular belief, society has tainted the purpose and role of singleness. The modern world inevitably influences and manipulates us to believe singleness is a problem. Culture is causing many to fall away from Christ and live in bondage to promiscuity and depression. Society thrives on the fears and insecurities of men and women, especially if they are single. There are two sides causing distraction and confusion: One side will exploit their emotions and manipulate singles to fall into sin. In contrast, the other side solicits incorrect religious doctrine and guilt for being single—both sides pressure singles to settle for anyone less than God’s best. The main culprit behind all the deception is, of course, satan. Satan will use our insecurities and fears to drive a wedge in the relationship between singles and God.
As a single, some of the lies can make you question God and the Bible when you’re single. Over the years, I’d struggled during my time as a single, but I also learned how to thrive as a single. I was constantly confronted with the same question: Do I choose to believe the world’s lies or God’s truth? Do I follow God or the devil? It takes time to distinguish the lies from the reality, especially when you are spiritually weak. It can be challenging to identify the lies, particularly when imprinted in our heritage, culture, and beliefs. So today, I will unmask some of those lies with the truth:
If I had some I would be happy
Happiness is a fleeting feeling. You can feel happy for one second, then circumstances can change, and you feel unhappy. Life has ups and downs, and no one can contain happiness 24/7. If we attach our value to someone else to obtain happiness, it’s a fragile and false sense of identity. Only in Christ can we find our true identity. “So you also are complete through your union with Christ…. (Colossian 2:10). There is a void in our hearts that only God can fill. In Him, we can obtain joy and contentment, far greater than any person can provide. God is the creator of joy, peace, and love overflowing. Whoever, God decides to place in our lives to love us is a bonus; they can add to our hearts rather than fill them.
Singleness is a curse, a burden
This statement causes more damage and hurts for God’s people than being planted in God’s truth. Every conversation seems to infer that singleness is a
disease problem and marriage is a cure throughout my single season. This statement is a poor excuse to cherry-pick and follow worldly beliefs rather than God’s design for singles. While I strongly believe in the sacred covenant of marriage, marriage is about Christ and the Church. It is not for us to use it as the “cure” and idol for singleness. This belief distorts His kingdom and people’s hearts who need to come to Christ. God knew what He was doing when He brought single men and women into this world. Our main goal is to serve the Lord (no matter our relationship status). Singles need to be loved, guided, and celebrated for devoting their lives to the LORD. A single who walks closely with the LORD and has a purpose scares the devil. God calls us to nurture our lives and stewardship the things He has given us to help others. We are called to be the light of the world. (Matthew 5:14-16)
As a single, I am incomplete
Many of us fall victim to this lie. “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27). “God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good…” (Genesis 1:31). Who says you are incomplete? Who says your design is flawed? Nothing in the Bible says marriage or being with someone makes us whole. This is a lie from the enemy. I employ you to filter out the lies from impregnating your mind and heart. We are complete in Christ once we accept salvation. We are a complete work of art and uniquely crafted by God’s own hands. God makes us whole in Christ Jesus. Don’t allow people to separate you from God. Whatever we feel that we lack, God is enough to fill it. God is enough. I didn’t want to be held captive by people. I wanted to be set free and walk through life with Christ by my side.
Men are intimidated by a strong and confident women
This phrase messed me up mentally because I thought something was wrong with me. I thought I shouldn’t be goal-oriented, focused, determined, brave, and believe in myself. I tried to fit into other people’s expectations, and I was not authentic, nor did I love myself. I’m not sure what they meant by using the words strong and confident in this context, but I began to piece them together from previous conversations. I can presume it means the following; All men prefer weak and insecure women. I’m not sure what men these people were referring to because the men I have met have partnered with women who exhibit strength, confidence, compassion, patience, intelligence, etc. They don’t feel intimidated or emasculated by them. When I came to salvation, Jesus renewed my mind and cleansed my heart of these harmful ideas. My focus turned from pleasing others to honoring God. God designs godly men and women to not be intimidated by one another. God wants to save us from sin and the devil, to become a single full of purpose.
This is just a conversation that has been resting on my mind and my heart to use this platform in a different way. I hope we can continue this discussion, because I’d love to hear your thoughts. Do you often feel pressured to escape singleness to avoid feelings of loneliness and shame? How can we convey to God’s people, who are single that they have a place at the table with Jesus? What other thoughts or feelings are plaguing you as a single? How can we pray for you?
Thank you for listening to my thoughts friends, I look forward to hearing yours!
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